One of the most important messages I keep reinforcing to clients 🙏🏻 #Repost @hazel.mead ・・・
Collaboration for @thevagnetwork, (which has been such a life changing org for me). This piece is all about opening up people's minds about what sex can include outside of society's focus on PIV sex, and there's a lot, too much for this piece even! Let’s get deep here, but not that deep (vaginismus joke). I have had vaginismus for as long as I can remember, I have never been able to put a tampon in, let alone a moon cup, I have always struggled with PIV sex. I felt like less of a woman because I couldn’t offer that on my sexual platter. I was chatting with the vaginismus network about the moment I changed my mindset and realised there is so much more to sex than penis in vagina!! That for me was an empowering realisation.
Interestingly I have also found my male partners to be really understanding, concerned and caring towards me, whereas vagina-owning friends have been the ones to brush it off and make remarks like “yeah, I hurt too at first but you get used to it”, “but surely it’s fine when you just relax a bit”, even a nurse said “get your boyfriend to take you out for a nice romantic meal, light some candles”. .
So what is vaginismus, you ask? Good question, it is not talked about, it is not known about, even by some medical professionals which is ludicrous/scary! It is an invisible condition whereby the vaginal muscles involuntarily contract when penetration is attempted. Every person has a different experience. For me, I’ve always had this, since I was 10 and discovered I couldn’t put a tampon in. Sex-wise, it is not an issue of me not wanting penetration, me not being lubricated enough- trust me, I do and I am. It is completely involuntary. Other people develop it after sexual trauma, after giving birth, after going off a partner, all sorts of reasons! Some people get cured quite easily, some people never get cured, every experience is individual. .
This post got a lot more serious than I intended, but the empowering message I wanted people to get from this, which applies to everyone, is that sex is whatever you want it to be (between consenting adults)!